Saturday, December 19, 2015

We've Always Wanted To Use Kyrgyz and Parrot In The Same Sentence

This story, published in its entirety, appeared on the AKIpress news website, December 19, 2015:

Kyrgyz national attempts to smuggle 140 parrots from Ukraine to Russia

Bishkek (AKIpress) A Kyrgyzstani citizen was detained on Russian border while trying to smuggle 140 parrots from Ukraine to Russia on his car's trunk, Rosselkhoznadzor said. Import of live birds to Russia is impossible without the official permission of Rosselkhoznadzor, which issues documents confirming compliance with veterinary and sanitary requirements. The man was detained at the Nehoteevka international checkpoint. Rosselkhoznadzor inspector decided to return the birds to the neighboring territory.

That's it! 140 parrots on the car's trunk. We're guessing they weren't Blue and Gold macaw parrots like the accompanying photo suggests, or the crate would be about a half mile tall.

And why were the parrots on the trunk? And not, say, in the car? It is winter over there, so how were the parrots even alive? And can we call the guy a smuggler while driving a car with 140 parrots sitting on the friggin' trunk? Presumably in a box or crate? Presumably very noisy?

So the parrots were returned to the neighboring territory. Were they just released and shooed off? What happened to the parrots? What happened to the smuggler? How did this writer ever get a job writing news stories?

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